Heavy Thoughts #1

I’ve never been culturally attuned.  Having been born and raised here I’ve never really had any first-hand experiences with my “mother-country” aside from two short trips to India – the last one being when I was only 14 years old.  I’ve never seen a Bollywood movie, I can’t speak Urdu, and my spice tolerance is lower than I’m willing to admit.  My cultural pride has always been relatively low with few exceptions (when a Pakistani makes the erroneous claim that Pakistan is superior to Hyderabad).  Why do I bring this up?  Well my attitude has changed regarding my cultural outlook ever since I got married.  My wife is not Indian.  In fact she isn’t even Desi.  And so now being with someone of a different culture, I feel the need to begin representing my own.  The trouble is I find that in every way I attempt to be more “Indian” my wife claims that the practice actually originated from the Arabs.  Needless to say this has frustrated me to no end.

In one attempt to reconnect with my heritage I had decided to buy a lungie (LUN-gee).  If you don’t know what that is, it’s essentially just a waistcloth.  Think of the bottom half of an ihraam.  I put it on feeling more Indian than ever.  I felt reunited with my ancient Indian ancestors; I felt a reconnection to my roots.  I felt like I was fulfilling my Desi destiny…until my wife brought down the Arab hammer.  As if she saw my balloon of Indian pride and decided to pop it, she said, “That type of clothing actually started with the Arabs.”  My eyes went blank as if I had ceased all visual input and looked only into my own mind to try and understand how my wife knew, unequivocally, that the simple waist cloth – a garment worn the world over – was originally an Arab fashion trend that the rest of the world took up later.

So clothing was out.  Apparently no one wore anything until the Arabs invented clothes.  Let’s try language.  I started to use Urdu words when I could and I would try to translate things said to my wife in Urdu for her since somehow Uncles and Aunties couldn’t tell that she wasn’t Desi.  I’ll admit that I set myself up for this one.  She points out whenever possible that certain words come from Arabic and that Urdu itself is a pigeon language derived from Arabic.  To make matters worse, it turns out my wife knows more Urdu than I do thanks to her Hyderabadi family friends that she grew up with.   I recall a casual drive down Devon, the mother-street.  As we were driving and soaking in the Desi aura that surrounded the Malodorous Mile I noticed a sign that said “Dulhan’s”.  I quickly pointed it out to my wife and asked, “What’s a DULL-han?”  I asked the question rhetorically thinking that neither of us would know the answer and that the sign was simply a misprint.  After looking at the sign she turned to me with that facial expression that tells you you’ve just said something incredibly dumb and says, “That says ‘dulhan’, you know, ‘bride.’”  At this point she laughed uncontrollably at my lingual ineptitude and I lost all Indian credibility.

Getting back to the point though, it turns out my culture is actually Arab.  And not only that, but my wife has informed me of a great many things that have Arab origins!  Some things I already knew were developed and refined by the Arabs like mathematics, philosophy, history, and medicine.  But it doesn’t end there.  The Panama Canal for example…Arab.  The Great Wall of China…Arab.  The NASA space program…Arab.  Even Bebsi is Arab – we just drink a cheap knock off called “Pepsi”.  Who knew?

But I’m still left wondering…is there any ONE thing we Desis can lay claim to that has absolutely no Arab origin?  If you can come up with something, please let me know.